Background Note

     This is one of several thematic reports. Draft 1 is based on a partial sample of n=387 adults. The representative sample of n>500 adults was conducted in the GTA during a two-and-a-half week period ending September 8^th, 1999.

Sex Appeal in a Potential Spouse

Men Want the Girl Next Door: Long Curly, Brown Hair and a Fair Amount of Education—Not a Bombshell

     Last year’s Sun/COMPAS sex survey revealed that 79% of people decide if they find a person of the opposite sex appealing before they engage them in conversation. With this finding in the back of our minds, we asked people to tell us which attributes mattered.

     The survey reveals that a single male on the lookout for a potential wife would opt for the girl next door over the actress or bombshell most of the time. The ideal wife might be best described as: sensual without being overtly sexual; appealing to the male respondent in question but not a magnet for other males (no mini-skirts or dyed blonde hair); well educated and a high income earner, but preferably not in an overtly aggressive profession (kindergarten teacher preferred to lawyer). This portrait emerges from responses to a hypothetical situation where the male respondent is asked to imagine that he has a series of choices about a potential blind date. The preferences are for

• Average body type over 20 lbs above average

• Any kind of smile

• Brown hair over any other natural colour or dyed blonde

• Long or medium length hair over short

• The same height or slightly shorter but not taller

•  The same education or more but not less

•  The same income or more but not less

• A kindergarten teacher or perhaps a businesswoman but not a lawyer, and

• One who liked to wear jeans or perhaps fancy apparel, but not mini-skirts.

The question:

Assuming you’re single, suppose you and some single male friends are invited to go on a blind date and you have first pick among a lot of women with a lot of different features. And you’re looking for someone who might eventually be a suitable wife. [rotate]

• Suppose you had a choice between three almost identical women…except for their weight. Would you pick the one with a slender shape (30), one with an average shape (62), or one who was, say, 20 lbs above average (7)?
• Suppose they were almost identical except for their smile. Would you pick the one with a quiet or shy smile (30), one with a typical smile (33), or one who smiled a lot (37)?
• Suppose they differed only in the colour of their hair. Would you pick the one with dyed blond (1), natural blond (24), red (15), brown (33), or black hair (22)?
• Would you pick one with short hair (21), neck length hair (31), or with long curly hair (40)?
• Would you pick the one who was 6 inches shorter than you (9), 3 inches (42), the same height (38), or 3 inches taller (6)?
• Would you pick the one who had less formal education than you (3), about the same (63), or more (27)?
• Would you pick the one who earned less than you (9), about the same (54), or more (19)?
• Suppose you were told that one was a kindergarten teacher who loved by her pupils (35), another a caring nurse (17), another a successful businesswoman (29), and still another a well respected lawyer (9). Whom would you pick?
• Suppose you were told that one liked to wear jeans (53), one mini-skirts (8), and one liked to dress up (36). Whom would you pick?
• One full bodied, at least as full-bodied as Marilyn Monroe (27), another moderately curvaceous (52), and one somewhat straight in appearance (19), a bit like Calvin Klein model Kate Moss. Whom would you pick?

Women Want Tall Husbands with Big Pockets, Broad Smiles, and Strictly Conventional Haircuts - They Are Less Weight-Conscious than Men and They ‘d Accept Any Clothing Style

     The ideal marriage-material blind date for a woman resembles that of a man, with some notable exceptions. Women are more forgiving of overweight, don’t mind what a man prefers wearing, but insist that he have a conventional haircut. Meanwhile, women have higher expectations of a man’s ability to smile, his body height, and his ability to earn a living than do men have of potential female partners.

This portrait emerges from responses to the following question:

Assuming you’re single, suppose you and some single female friends are invited to go on a blind date and you have first pick among a lot of men with a lot of different features. And, you’re looking for some who might eventually be a suitable husband. [rotate]

• Suppose you had a choice between three almost identical men…except for their weight. Would you pick the one with a slender shape (4%), one with an average shape (86), or one who was, say, 25 lbs above average (4)?

• Suppose they were almost identical except for their smile. Would you pick the one with a quiet or shy smile (28), one with a typical smile (25), or one who smiled a lot (48)?

• Would you pick one with a crew cut (12), regular length hair (56), curly regular length hair (16), shoulder length hair (7) or balding (5)?

• Would you pick the one who was 3 inches shorter than you (1),  the same height (13), or 3 inches taller (56), or 6 inches taller (28)?

• Would you pick the one who had less formal education than you (1), about the same (61), or more (36)?

• Would you pick the one who earned less than you (1), about the same (43), or more (49)?

• Suppose you were told that one was school teacher loved by his pupils (30), another a caring nurse (12), another a successful businessman (40), and still another a well respected lawyer (16). Whom would you pick?

• Suppose you were told that one liked to wear jeans (39), one sports clothes (33), and one liked jackets and blazers (26). Whom would you pick?

• Suppose one had strong biceps like a Mr. Atlas (7), another was somewhat athletic looking (34), and the third was well proportioned but not muscular (55). Whom would you pick?

The Different Preferences of Men and Women

     Men and women agree that the ideal husband should be a few years older than the wife and that the husband should be taller but women prefer greater differences than do men. The male consensus is stronger that the wife should be younger—87% vs. 76% among women with this view. Yet, women on average think that the age difference should be greater than do the men—4.2 years vs. 3.6, according to men.

     The sexes agree that husbands should be taller but women are more convinced that men should be taller and prefer greater differences of height than do men. Altogether, 84% of women want men to be taller compared to 52% of men.

Other Patterns

     People are relatively consistent in what they look for until they reach about 60 years of age. At that point, men begin to care less about slender body shape, are more inclined to a nurse, much prefer formal attire.

     Male respondents with children are more inclined than those without children to say that they would be drawn to a woman who dresses formally, perhaps as a counterpoint to their own household preoccupations.

The Pure Date vs. the Potential Spouse

     Respondents were first asked to make a series of preferences with respect to body and social features of a potential blind date when spouse hunting. As a follow-up question, respondents were asked how their choices when spouse hunting would have changed if they had been on a pure date. For men, the principal differences are that they would have been more inclined to

• a heavier or more curvaceous woman on a pure date (27% volunteered this opinion)
• a woman with more forthcoming or aggressive sexual attitudes (9%)
• one with more formal education (5%), and
• one who earned more money (4).

     Like men, woman interested in a pure date would be more accepting of overweight (17% volunteered) as well as more formal education (9%). Intriguingly, women also volunteered that they would opt for a man with more muscle mass (11%) and less aggressive, sexual attitudes (6%) if on a pure date and not husband hunting.